


So Tired To Share My Nights

by turtlewirtle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean lance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hella, Keith is a emo boy who wants to help, Kinda, Lance’s family is amazing, Like, M/M, Post Season 8, Post canon, Season 8 Coping, Slow Burn, i had lots of feeings after season 8, lance is depressed, sorry freinds, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlewirtle/pseuds/turtlewirtle
Summary: Blue was gone...the one person who truly saw him for what he was worth, left him, and he felt awful. His team left him, and he felt awful.After the Lions are gone, Lance feels as if he has no purposeSomeone tries to change that





	So Tired To Share My Nights

The ache in his heart became too loud to ignore. The anxious flips in his stomach causing him to feel nauseous. What used to be butterflies and roller coasters, turned black and painful. For the first few months, time with his family was needed. Feeling his mother’s soothing hand stroking his back as if he was a young child. Feeling nostalgic as he slowly becomes the young boy he used to be. He remembers those nights where he would cry out in panic and sorrow, his mind filled with the painful images of fear. He remembers his mother whispering to him quietly,

“Leonardo, mi amor?” 

Tears filling his eyes, he would cry out, broken and jagged. Closing his eyelids, wishing the pain away, blindly reaching, tears streaming. The sounds of footsteps causing so much relief. Warm safety, holding him tight. His mothers arms felt safe in a world of terror and lies. He would be taken by sleep, his mother whispering quiet promises of safety and soft   
lullabies. 

God, how he wished for those warm arms during the years he spent drifting father from Earth.  
“Pathetic” his mind whispers when he first cried out, being so many years older than the child he once was. 

“Stupid” he heard when he sobbed, seeing her face in his dreams.

“Worthless” when he remembered her eyes and smile, seeing them night after night. 

“Idiot” when his mother rushed to his side,   
Bringing the comfort of safety and love, something he hasn’t felt in so long. Something he missed so much.

 

After a year of warm arms and support from his huge family, he began to grow tired of his loved ones constantly walking on eggshells. The want of tranquility in the household became suffocating. His mother, constantly shushing his nieces and nephews, attempting to keep the house still. The young children were forced to be silent when uncle Lance was sleeping in an attempt to “heal him.”   
After so long, the children grew restless and stopped coming to grandma’s house, leaving the home hauntingly silent. He was tired of being the cause to everyone’s silence and pity. He was tired of waking the entire house with his screams of terror. He was tired of causing his nephew and niece to leave.   
He was tired of the silence.   
Both in his house and the stupid comm that has been sitting on his bed side table since he got home. There was nothing. No update from Shiro, no promised video call from Pidge, no calls from Hunk, no visits from... Not that it mattered, the lions left him a year ago and took the connection with them, tearing the mind link that the team once had. Sure, he feels the nearly silent mumble every once in a while, but that constant rumble in the back of his mind was silent, just like everyone else. 

Blue was gone...the one person who truly saw him for what he was worth, left him, and he felt awful. His team left him, and he felt awful.

Word of Voltron and life beyond Earth sparked like a wildfire, the media was covered in pictures of the five paladins and Voltron itself. This caused them to stay off the grid and of course, more silence. The sounds of his childhood, gone. The screeches of children in the neighborhood, the bustling sound of cars, constant chatter from his siblings and parents, gone. Nothing but a hollow shell of once was remained. And the silence replaced the memories that once filled the house with love. 

Although it was never verbally expressed, he was able to shake the feeling of uneasiness. Sure, his family loved him dearly and would never tell him, but Lance heard the hushed words at night, sharp with venom as his parents attempted to quietly scream each other... from what he gathered, money was tight and they were no longer able to financially stabilize their huge family. You would think sacrificing your life to save the universe would be enough.  
Apparently, Earth wasn’t as kind as the other planets Voltron visited. Plus, they were attempting to stay “off the grid” aka Lance hasn’t left his property for six months. Even if Earth were to be giving, Voltron doesn’t really exist right now....the lions are gone, the paladins are spread out across the universe, and Lance, once again, is all alone. Knowing they would have to leave soon, Veronica and Rachel never left him alone. The constant bickering from who would be with him that night, forced road trips, random picnics, too many spa days. As much as he loved his siblings, the none stop pestering started to get on his nerves.   
That’s saying a lot. Lance grew up with four siblings who woke him everyday with their loud screams and always kept him busy.   
As his papa would say, “there’s never a dull moment in the McClain household.” And god was he right. So yes, he was annoyed. He’s dealt with it long enough, surely he gets a pass, right? Nope. 

Between his mama and Veronica, he was constantly given priorities, his families way of keeping his mind off of....well, everything. 

Of course he knows his family loved the beautiful woman with flowing hair. Yes, it did take a while for his family to get over the fact that she was an intergalactic alien princess, but the way she interacted with his family caused them to see her real side. She kept the young ones entertained with her stories of Altea and her strange looking ears. She was extremely polite, with good manners and maturity. That earned points for his papa and abuelita. But when his mother pulled him off to the side, smiling gently saying,  
“I’m so proud of you Leonardo” with tears in her eyes, Lance knew how much it meant to her. Her youngest finally found someone he truly loved and she saw the happiness in his eyes.   
Lance had seen this obvious adoration from his mother and knew her true feelings. He saw it in the way his older brother Marco stuttered over the first time her brought a pretty girl home, blushing furiously when his mother asked about grandchildren. He saw the way Luis smiled when he talked gently about the girl in his third period. He knew, the soft smile, eyes filled with adoration and pride. The way his parents would grab each other’s hands, intertwining them as the smirked at each other quietly. It’s jarring to think of how different his family is now. 

After so much sulking, with months filled with nothing more than sadness, Lance wasn’t surprised when his sisters entered his room, smiling mischievously as they both saw the state of their brother. Wrapped in a blanket, his hair matted and greasy from weeks of neglect. The way his face broke out, feeling oily at the touch of his hand.   
The way his eyelids drooped during every waking moments, dark circles and all. He gave up a while ago. Out the window went his facial routine, no longer would he softly scrub along his forehead, exfoliating his smooth skin with lotions, moisturizers and face masks. They sit collecting dust in his cabinet.   
To be honest, he looked like shit, but when everything reminds him of what once was, he would rather spend hours on end staring at the ceiling.   
So, that’s how he was dragged out of bed by his older sister Veronica, his niece and nephew following curiously behind him as he was shoved into his bathroom, Rachel smiling cockily as Veronica whispers,   
“You might want to get dressed up” winking slyly as she shoved a warm towel into his arms. He stared at them questioningly as Rachel replied,  
“Yeah, you smell like shit”  
Classic sisters. He rolled his eyes glaring at the both of them  
“Wowwww, thanks” he exaggerated   
“You’re very welcome, now come on, I don’t want to make him wait any longer!” Veronica cried, running out of the room with a cackling Rachel behind her  
“Wait, what? Him??? Guys???”

**Author's Note:**

> Ayo   
> I started writing this in like, December and had a lot of feelings   
> Here are those feelings 
> 
> (I might not upload a lot since I’ve got school but since it’s Spring Break... I could write another part)  
> This is my first fic on A03... go easy on me  
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Title from Anothe Love by Tom Odell


End file.
